I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
