I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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