drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
