I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
