Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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