your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
