Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize