what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
