cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
