I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
