What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
