He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
