In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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