i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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