You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
