I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's blow job season.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
