From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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