its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So vagazzling was a success
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
