You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
