If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
