it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
