Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I love having hate sex.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
