Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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