Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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