Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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