Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
