If i come over, it means nothing
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
