I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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