you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
