i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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