these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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