ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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