I seem to have left my pride at pride
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
