I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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