i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
