oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
