I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I will be naked everywhere
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize