Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
