he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize