Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
