I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A+ Viking dick
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
