soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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