Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
