Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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