Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There r osticjed everywhere
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
