I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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