everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he shaved USA in his pubs
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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