been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
