Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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