yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
