Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
