I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
