we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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