Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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