There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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