Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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