he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
