Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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